The stone beneath the earth is constantly in motion. Earthquakes happen when the plates collide. You really think it could be doing all that bumping and grinding without something popping out?
(I’m sure I could have stated this one much more poetically).
The elves of old were obsessed with beauty and decadence. They idled away the days in their palaces amidst their beautiful gardens and strands of oaks. Their metal workers were the best in the world, weaving strands of silver into their garments and somehow forging gold into a state durable enough to be made into armor. Their wizards created the dwarves to delve ever farther into the earth, bringing them more precious metals. When they delved deep enough, *something* broke them free of their psychic bonds.
The god brother Yurni and Burni both fell in love with the same goddess, Etridine. Both were notoriously drunken oafs and Etridine tired of turning down their advances. One day, she said to them “Brothers, you are both much too large. I could only love a man who I could envelope fully (read: be the little spoon). You are almost giants!
And so Yurni returned to their home. He downed a jug of ale, grabbed the wood cutting axe and chopped off his toes. His brother Burni returned as the axe struck.
”Lo, brother. I will not be outdone my a drunken buffoon.”
His brother grabbed the cleaver from the kitchen. He drained a glass of distilled berry spirits and put the cleaver to his knees.
I’m sure you can see where this is going.
They’re just gnomes who got hairy. Don’t make it weird.
Dwarves were the first folk. The forge god breathed life into the stones of the earth. Living in tunnels, they stayed squat folk. It wasn’t until a group of them tunneled above the surface that they grew, becoming humans.
Who the hell knows how elves factor into that mess.’
“Dwarves? Aye, lemme tell ya what I heard. So there was this bloke, they called’ im Muddy Tommy. Fella has a face like someone dropped a rock on a bowl of blood puddin’, he did. The gent has a habit of gettin’ piss drunk after workin’ in the mine all day and goin’ out in his backyard and getting busy with a muddy hole in the ground.
One day, he went out there to do his lil’ ritual, and there was a cryin’ sound from the hole. It was a baby! Small thing, but chunky. It had a full beard on it, too.
There are no Dwarves. That’s just a lie by the Guv’ment.
When the gods were young, they fought, constantly. The god of the forge needed protection. He forged eight companions – short, bearded, and stalwart. They fought valiantly and never faltered.
Unfortunately, they got lost when they took a field trip to earth.
Just to piss off the elves. That’s the how and the why. Don’t question it.
Artists just needed an excuse to draw more weird little dudes. I’m thankful for it.
Talk soon,
-James
TAGS: Random Tables
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Click below to get to the campaign. We’re giving away a bunch of minis and other things to our backers!
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Bones. So many bones. How many people have been buried here?
You find a rusty long sword and a small, golden vulture head worth 250 gp.
The sand here on the edge of the sacrificial ground is loose and looks recently churned.
The Vulture Priests are the enemy of knowledge and enlightenment. They seek to bring the eternal silence, the end of all things. Decay and obedience is their only god.
Armor Class 6 [13]
Hit Dice 1 (4hp)
Attacks 1 × Beak (1d4 or by weapon)
THAC0 19 [0]
Movement 120’ (40’)
Saving Throws D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (1)
Morale 8 (11 when at their temple)
Alignment Lawful
XP 10
Number Appearing 2d4 (1d6 × 10)
Treasure Type D
Immune to the Divine: The spells and powers of clerics and paladins have no effect on them.
Weapons: They frequently use wickedly curved daggers, which they use for sacrificial purposes.
Soul Clouders: There is a 10% chance that any Vulture Priest can use the sleep spell once per day. The targets are still awake, but they are beset by such a deep depression that it has the same effect as sleep. They may only watch what unfurls around them.
